How NOT to be so lame when online dating

It's a week since I've been on Tinder, an online dating app.  I now see why people refer to it as the "hookup" app.

Fast sign up.  Free.  No questionnaire to fill out - many don't even bother with a short bio.  Easy in, easy out.

I've swiped left on literally thousands of profiles.  So easy to pick apart what I don't like.  No tattoos, beards, students, one night stands, threesomes, and on and on.

Then there are the handful that I swipe right on cuz they seem like people I would actually want to hang out with.  Nice looking guys - check.  Have jobs - double check.  Bios are thought out - triple check.  

Then the ball drops.

If we match, I get introductory messages like "Hello" or "Hi".  

Seriously, dude?  You've got nothing better than that?  Not even a "How's your day going?".  LAME, LAME, LAME!!!!  

So I bite and reply back with "Hi!".  But I add in an exclamation mark for extra punch.  ;)  I match what they give me.  Monosyllabic messages only deserve monosyllabic replies.

The next DAY, I get something like "How are you?".  Holy hell, people.  You need to get some game cuz you're one lame duck in a huge pond of other lame duckies.  You'll be lucky if I don't pull out one of my kids' nerf guns and shoot you. 

Why do I bring this up other than you can laugh at me and my dating attempts?

Cuz the lesson of the day, girlz & gentz (if you're a dood & you read these emails, you're a gentleman!), is never, ever forget that the effort you put into something is exactly what you're going to get out. 

Yes, getting pregnant is your trial by fire.  It is difficult and heartbreaking.  You WILL want to give up often.  But it can be a wonderful journey if you use it as an opportunity to become the best expression of yourself that you possible can be.  That can only come if you cultivate the resilience to keep going every month.  Cuz that's what it's going to take.  Giving up should not be an option until you've really reached the end of your fertility journey and for most of you, that isn't even close.

In a few weeks, I'll open registration for my online fertility program.  I have my elves working to get it up and running so don't go anywhere!

Julie Chang,
Natural Fertility Eggspurt

The Real Deal:

  • Natural Fertility Coach
  • Licensed Fertility Acupuncturist for 18 years
  • Master in Traditional Oriental Medicine, Magna Cum Laude
  • B.S. Microbiology & Molecular Genetics, UCLA
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These healthy foods really aren't, even if your doctor says so

"Eat more fruits and vegetables."  This common advice is dispensed everywhere, online and from medical professionals.

In my not so humble opinion, methinks that's a crock of doodoo.  

No, chickies.  

It should be "Eat more vegetables."  Period.

Lumping fruits and vegetables in the same category is just plain wrong.  

Yeah, fruits have all sorts of goodies like fiber, antioxidants, vitamins, minerals, and other health-promoting nutrients.

You know what else it has that vegetables, especially the dark, leafy greens, don't have in nearly the same amount?

Sugar!

Girlll, it don't matter if it comes from fruit or a cookie.  

Just cuz fruit sugars are natural, doesn't mean it's a fruit buffet all day long. 

And dang, I see that in my patients all the time - fruit in their breakfast smoothie, fruit for morning snack, fruit for afternoon snack, and then let's just finish the day with some more fruit.  If that's you, that is no bueno!  

Fruit should be eaten as if it's a treat.  Therefore in very small amounts.  

Anyhoo, my online fertility coaching program explains why fruits sugars are harmful and more importantly, which specific fruits you should eat to boost fertility.  You'll be surprised why some of these fruits have been used to improve fertility for thousands of years.

The program will reopen in November.  I'm working hard on getting it ready so my daily emails will be a bit spotty in the next few weeks.  But don't go nowheres.

Julie Chang,
Natural Fertility Eggspurt

The Real Deal:

  • Natural Fertility Coach
  • Licensed Fertility Acupuncturist for 18 years
  • Master in Traditional Oriental Medicine, Magna Cum Laude
  • B.S. Microbiology & Molecular Genetics, UCLA
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My return to online dating and how it applies to fertility

I remember thinking when I was married how fortunate I was that I wasn't dating.  Single women I knew kept complaining about how tough it is out there in the jungle.  

I completely jinxed myself cuz lo and behold, here I am.  Single.  With kids, no less.

Motivated by my friend, I joined Tinder earlier this week.  It's one of the most popular dating apps.

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Is it time to give up?

Since most of my patients are in their late 30s and 40s, one of the issues that come up often is when to move on and end the fertility journey.  

In my opinion, for most women, the definitive end point is a women at least in her mid to late 40s whose period has been regular to date but has recently become so irregular that ovulation is difficult to track or it completely stops.  Ending the fertility journey before that is premature, I think.

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Mussels - fertility friend or foe?

I got a great question from one of the ladies in my online fertility coaching group about a recommendation I made last week.

"Although I love mussels a lot, do you think is it safe to eat them? I've read articles about how poisony they could be because of the sea pollution.  What do you think?"

Shellfish are surprisingly a great source of fertility boosting nutrients such as zinc, omega 3 fatty acids, iron, copper, Vit B-12, magnesium, and protein.

Since shellfish are filter feeders, people think of physical filters, the type we use like an air filter in the car or vent ducts.  Physical filters accumulate the stuff we don't want and are then thrown out.

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Naughty Nun Touched My Bum

"Naughty Nun Touched My Bum"
"Fergie Decks Becks"
"Brad Pitt Ate My Sandwich"

Those are a few of the front page headlines papering the wall of international spy, Galahad, played by Colin Firth in the first Kingsman movie.

(I'm introducing my daughter to the Kingsman so she can watch #2 while it's in the theaters.  Forgot how funny it was with a lisping Samuel Jackson as a deranged billionaire who's intent on wiping out the world's population except for a select few in a dramatic effort to save the world from climate change.)

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More from my new fave drug lord villain...

I'm jonesing for more of my new fave villain, Poppy, played by Julianne Moore in "Kingsman: The Golden Circle"...

So back to her and one of her best quotes...

"Sugar is 10 times more addictive than cocaine. It causes more death and misery in America. Yet one is legal. Peddle that shyt and you’re in the Forbes 500. Peddle coke and you’re in jail. What the fugk!"

True dat, sista!

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Make your days mean something

My heart is heavy with the recent tragedies.  It doesn't seem to end.  So many unnecessarily broken families and lives.  The repercussions for them will continue for what is most likely the rest of their lives.

Even for those of us not directly affected, the ripple effect will touch us in some way.  

The latest in Las Vegas is particularly frustrating because, likely, as with every other shooting massacre, nothing will be done to prevent something similar from happening. 

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Lessons from a drug lord

Sequels are rarely as good as the first one.  But damn, I had a hoot watching the new Kingsman:The Golden Circle movie out in theatres this weekend.  

Loved the cool super high-tech spy gadgets, Elton John's not-to-be-missed cameo, thrilling action sequences, and dazzling choreography of flying kicks.  

But I REALLY loved the drug lorvillain, played by Julianne Moore.

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How fashion modeling is like teaching fertility health

When my girls did some print modeling a few years ago, it always amazed me how few photographs were actually used compared to how many hours of shooting was done.  

For a Nordstrom catalog shoot, they paid us to stay overnight somewhere in the Los Angeles desert cuz she was needed for 2 days.  In the end, she was in about 5 pictures and a short 1 minute-ish video.

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My ex didn't know about this...

I never took my ex's last name during our marriage.

2 reasons...

1) I was too lazy to change the paperwork.
2) Having a Chinese last name is more advantageous as an acupuncturist.  Cuz everything being equal, a person's gonna probably choose an acupuncturist with a Chinese name over a name like Jones.  People seem to think that my Chinese DNA is magically infused with some special knowledge that's been inherited through the centuries.

I cited reason #2 as justification to my husband cuz #1 would have been ill-received by him and might have caused a wee bit of friction.  ;)

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Doing this will drive me to drink one day...

Ugh - homework.  Not mine but my kids.

Still it feels almost as painful as if it were mine cuz sometimes I need to help them out with it.

I mean, what the heck do I know?

I write daily emails, farting out my thoughts.  Using fragmented sentences, deliberate misspellings, tangents, and plenty of colloquialisms. Definitely not for an English teacher to see.

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You are not an island...

Working with fertility patients, I often see the struggle that's underneath the public facade.

My heart broke as this beautiful, intelligent young woman talked about her struggle to continue to want to live for the past 2 years.  This weekend, she wanted to end her life.

I hear the same feelings of self-blame, shame, despair, and loneliness that's often an undercurrent to varying degrees in many women taking longer than expected to get pregnant.  

People walk around with masks, pretending that everything is fine - even to their closest confidants.  It takes courage to remove that mask and admit to what you're feeling.  It's hard.  But it's the quickest way to process through the emotions.  

We are social creatures.  As women, we crave emotional connection.  We need to lean on each other in times of need.  That's how we survive the inevitable obstacles life throws at us.

The unexpected benefit of being so vulnerable with someone else is that you've now opened a communication line so that when they need you, you can be their support.  And more often than not, they have their own struggles that they're hiding as well.  Someone just had to make the first move.  

If you're having a difficult time, reach out to a loved one.

I can provide additional support with actionable fertility tips when I relaunch my online fertility coaching program in November.  In the meantime, stay in the light.

Julie Chang,
Natural Fertility Eggspurt

The Real Deal:

  • Natural Fertility Coach
  • Licensed Fertility Acupuncturist for 18 years
  • Master in Traditional Oriental Medicine, Magna Cum Laude
  • B.S. Microbiology & Molecular Genetics, UCLA
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Motivation is a fairy tale dream

I live in a townhouse complex, affectionately dubbed "divorce alley". 

Us divorcees flock here so our kids can stay within walking and biking distance to their schools and friends after selling our houses post-divorce.

Yes, it would have been much smarter financially to move to a less expensive neighborhood as I reboot my life as a single mom.  But it's a sacrifice I'm making because my kids' happiness is more important than the tighter pinch on the wallet.  They have their friends and routine here.  If at all possible, I want to minimize their disruptions.

So, for them and for my future, I work smarter than I've ever before.  I'm way more efficient and productive to make my time count.

In order to maintain this pace, I go to bed at 10pm and wake up at 6am, weekends included.  I've kicked the snooze button habit, stopped watching tv on the weekdays, work out several times a week, eat less junk (work in progress), and basically done everything I know I needed to do anyways but was too lazy to until I got kicked in the teeth via the whole divorce apocalypse.  

Unless you want a mouthful of dentures, you gotta do the same on your fertility journey.  Daily, consistent effort - rain or shine (figuratively and literally). 

Get up even when you wanna stay in bed and do what know you need to.  

Motivation doesn't magically appear. You're not going to just FEEL like working out, eating better, stop feeling crushing disappointment when Aunt Flo comes.  It takes work and it requires daily, consistent action.  As you take control of your choices and it becomes easier, that's when the motivation comes.  AFTER you get started and see the small successes.  NOT before. 

What you think is motivation in the beginning is hope.  Hope that you can change your situation.  When it doesn't happen soon enough to your liking, that hope fades to disappointment.  Then you falter cuz nothing's working.  Eventually, even that faltering disappears and you STOP. 

But motivation to achieve a goal requires motion.  Continual, small movements forward.  Keep moving.  Focus on the next step and then the next and so on.  Stop overthinking it and just do.

So that's my tiger mom rap for the day.

When I re-open the doors to my online fertility coaching program in November, it'll be easier to know which choices to make.  Mainly cuz I tell you what they are.  Until then, you got this.

Julie Chang,
Natural Fertility Eggspurt

The Real Deal:

  • Natural Fertility Coach
  • Licensed Fertility Acupuncturist for 18 years
  • Master in Traditional Oriental Medicine, Magna Cum Laude
  • B.S. Microbiology & Molecular Genetics, UCLA
Read More

Your docs are sooo wrong about this...

After a busy weekend, I relented to my 8yo's pleas to watch some tv while eating dinner yesterday night.  I was exhausted so some thoughtless entertainment was just fine with me.  

It was the pilot episode of "Legends of Tomorrow" - a time traveler from 2166 traveling to 2016 to assemble a group of superheroes so they can save the world from a maniacal megalomaniac.  Where is that group now to save us?!? :/

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