My return to online dating and how it applies to fertility

I remember thinking when I was married how fortunate I was that I wasn't dating.  Single women I knew kept complaining about how tough it is out there in the jungle.  

I completely jinxed myself cuz lo and behold, here I am.  Single.  With kids, no less.

Motivated by my friend, I joined Tinder earlier this week.  It's one of the most popular dating apps.  

Simple to use...

Swipe left on profiles you're not interested in.  They go in the trash.

Swipe right on the ones who have promise.

My thumb might have accidentally swiped right on one or two who were just insanely hot but wrote nothing of substance in their profile .  It's my thumb's equivalent to the double take.  Oops.  ;)  

If you both swipe right on each other, you "match" and can then message each other using the app.

That's where the frustration and games come in.

I'm a practical and realistic woman.  The chances of me finding my unicorn in this morass of 99% unsuitable men is like me finding the matching sock to my kids' constantly unpaired foot coverings.  Highly unlikely.  My dog might have a role in that too. :/

Within 2 days I was ready to delete my profile.

Two guys had messaged me but didn't follow up after a few initial texts.  

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people don't follow through.  That just drives me batshyt crazy.  
If this is any indication of what it's going to be like, I don't need this hassle.  It's a waste of my time and energy - 2 things I value.

Then I thought about it...

The frustration that's being triggered from these very brief interactions with people I don't even know indicates that there's something I need to work on internally.  

It's me learning to let go of unrealistic expectations.  An ongoing journey for me evidently - meeting people where they are and not where I want them to be.  

And even though it's uncomfortable for me to keep putting myself in these frustrating situations, it's something I feel I need to do for now.

Besides, it's great entertainment!  For me, for my patients in the clinic, and hopefully for you.  You're welcome. :)

I can already see there are many lessons to be learned from this experience.  More to come in future emails, I'm sure.

So as it is with me, it is with you.

As you walk your fertility journey, you'll experience all sorts of emotions.  Most negative.  Instead of retreating from them, face them and reflect on how you can let them go.

Let's take your period coming as an example.  The event itself is neutral.  It's the emotions you attach to that situation that makes it negative and overwhelming at times.  Your challenge then is to disassociate the disappointment and frustration to the trigger of Aunt Flo showing up.  Instead, can you make it a learning experience for you?  Like looking back at the past month and seeing areas where you could have done better.  With your nutrition, exercise, connecting with your partner?  Doing so will turn the event into a more positive experience.

Remember this...often the greater the potential reward, the harder the journey because so much is invested in the outcome.  That's why it's not an easy road.  

Be persistent.  Have faith.  I'm here to support you.

Want more unconventional fertility tips that seem to come out of nowhere?  I'm your gal!  The doors to my online fertility training program is set to open soon so don't go anywhere.  Just keep circling around like you're at the airport until you get what you want.

Julie Chang,
Natural Fertility Eggspurt

The Real Deal:

  • Natural Fertility Coach
  • Licensed Fertility Acupuncturist for 18 years
  • Master in Traditional Oriental Medicine, Magna Cum Laude
  • B.S. Microbiology & Molecular Genetics, UCLA

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