Yesterday, I signed and notarized my divorce agreement. It was a huge step to closing an important chapter in my life.
I expected to feel a lot more relieved than I do right now. But I've been through so much in the past 14 months, I'm having a hard time accepting that it's done.
I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Cuz every time I get a little relaxed, something new comes up that I have to buck up and deal with. Anyone who's gone through a divorce with kids knows this.
Sidebar: Do whatever you can to work on your marriage cuz divorce sucks rotten eggs.
Anyhoo, back to me...
Despite the emotional roller coaster, I know I came out of it a better person.
In retrospect, the difficult part was taking the time and space to figure out what fills me with numminess.
So I did and tried new things that interested me.
- 7 day walking pilgrimage through Spain (enlightening)
- country line dancing at a gay bar (fun)
- visiting my family and friends more (gratifying)
- online dating (educational but futile)
- exercising (feel like a warrior)
- meditating (calming)
- volunteering (rewarding)
- 5K Mud Run (exfoliating)
- working on my business (frustrating)
It's like shooting spitballs with a straw at the wall. Some stuck and others just went splat.
Looking within myself for gratification and detaching myself from the outcome was my personal work.
So my takeaway for you is this...
Looking for hope in other people's success stories may feel good. But it's short-lived because you're dependent on their outcomes which are based on their own circumstances and not yours. Ultimately, it's the inner work that will provide the long term resilience needed to keep going when you feel hopeless, lost, and confused. Admittedly, that work is not directly correlated to your fertility but it's what will give you inner strength and resiliency to walk your journey with grace. It's not easy but nothing worth having is, capisce?
Bottom line: Develop your own inner compass so you don't need to measure yourself against others.
- Licensed Acupuncturist for 18 years
- Master in Traditional Oriental Medicine, Magna Cum Laude
- B.S. Microbiology & Molecular Genetics, UCLA