My 8yo needs to get a job.
So she can reimburse me for my hairstylist appointments and hair dye to cover my grays.
She's responsible for the majority of them.
Her stubbornness will serve her well as an adult.
As a mom, not as appreciated. At times, I just want to stick her in a small, dark room under the stairs until someone claims her for Hogwarts. Mwahaha.
She's a firecracker, that one.
We got into a row yesterday. Again.
I wanted her to ride her bike home. She didn't want to. She got sullen and pouty. I asked her why she would rather walk than bike home. Disgruntled silence. Hours later, she tells me that she was mad at me for making her ride her bike because she felt sick and didn't have the energy. Ok, got it. If she had told me that at the time, I would have understood.
So, here's the point, ladies and a few lads.
Communicate! Don't assume other people, especially your loved ones, can read your mind.
Communication is a skill that gets easier with practice. It's uncomfortable because you're expressing your needs and desires.
As a woman, it's hard to put yourself first. Depending on how you were raised, it might be even more challenging.
For men, it can be difficult to understand how ingrained it is for women to default to a pattern of pleasing people, i.e. you, at the expense of getting her needs met. Men are raised to claim what they want. Women are not, usually.
So, I'm going to share with you 5 tools of communication over a series of emails in the next few weeks.
I'm parsing out the tools so you have time to practice each one. It takes conscious effort to think and speak in this way.
These 5 tools are part of the doctoral work taught by Dr. Pat Allen, author of "Getting to I Do: The Secret to Doing Relationships Right" and "Staying Married...And Loving It! How to Get What You Want from Your Man Without Asking".
a) Never ask how a man feels unless he's puking or bleeding. Otherwise, you're mothering him. Instead, ask him what he thinks which puts him in a position of power.
b) If he asks you what you think and you’re not business partners, tell him what you feel instead.
Always ask your woman how she feels about what you think. Example: Man - "How do you feel about trying a new restaurant this weekend?", NOT "What should we do this weekend?" Women always have the veto right to say "no". But guys need to lead.
Here's the thing...
In every relationship, there's going to be a masculine (yang) and a feminine (yin) energy.
Doesn't matter if you're hetero or homosexual. With a hetero couple, it's usually the dude with the physical balls that's masculine. Although sometimes it's the woman who runs the show. That's ok. Whatever works for you. With same sex couples, one will be more masculine and the other more feminine. It's usually pretty clear.
If it's not, you need to figure out who's who. Equality is expected in the workplace and non-sexual relationships. But equality in a sexual one kills intimacy.
Why can't you have equality with your partner?
Masculine energy is about action, doing, and achieving. You notice how when guys get together, they're just doing something? Maybe watching a game on tv, playing a round of golf. There's very little talking about feelings, if any. "Hey, great seeing you! It's been too long. Wanna watch the game?"
On the other hand, feminine energy is about being open and receiving. When women get together, they instantly start chatting about what's going on in their lives and how they feel about it. "Our friend's such a ho-bag. I can't believe she's still sleeping with that creep. I would never put up with that nonsense." Blah, blah, blah.
Men need to stay in the masculine role of doing (thinking). Women need to stay in the feminine role of receiving (feeling). These complementary roles will create more balance and less friction.
Yin and Yang.
You can't have one without the other. There can be no light without dark. No up if there's no down. That is the nature of the universe.
Understanding the energetic dynamics of a relationship is important when you're trying to conceive.
Getting pregnant and carrying a child is the ultimate expression of femininity - being open to him so you can receive his seed. Allowing the passive side of you to nurture your baby until it's ready to be born. Patience is the energy of a woman.
If you're battling with your partner for equality and whether or not he stacked the dishwasher the way you like it, your testosterone and cortisol (stress hormone) rise. That's confusing to your body - are you a woman or a man?
Embrace your feminine.
Leave your balls at work because that's where you need it to break that glass ceiling.
At home, be a woman so your man can do what's he biologically wired to do - take care of you. In order for a man to reach his highest potential, he needs a woman who will appreciate what he has to give.
The more he's respected by his woman, the more he can cherish her in return.
Forward this email to your partner and share your thoughts. Each of you practice this tool for 1 week. See how it feels to stay in your respective roles of masculine and feminine. It'll seem unnatural in the beginning but it gets easier as you reprogram your patterns and feel the energy shift.
I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences as you use this tool.
If you have a friend with fertility issues, please forward this email to her and invite her to opt-in for daily emails at zenfertility.com/top10.
Natural Fertility Eggspurt
For fertility acupuncture appointments in San Diego, call me at (858) 495-0771 or book here: http://juliechang.genbook.com/
The Real Deal:
- Licensed Acupuncturist for 18 years
- Master in Traditional Oriental Medicine, Magna Cum Laude
- B.S. Microbiology & Molecular Genetics, UCLA