Today, I introduce to you Tool #3 of the 5 communication tools as taught by Dr. Pat Allen, author of "Getting to I Do: The Secret to Doing Relationships Right" and "Staying Married...And Loving It! How to Get What You Want from Your Man Without Asking".
This tool makes me reflect on how often I must have disrespected my ex because it was more important for me to be right than to acknowledge his contribution to the relationship,
If you missed Tool #1, go here or Tool #2, go here
Presenting Tool #3
For the Lay-deez:
When you're irritated with him, take a deep breath and...
Make him right.
As long as it's not illegal, immoral, and unethical.
Ooh, I know it chaps your hide to have to do that.
You know you can do it better and faster than him but this is about learning not to have to be right all the time.
To respect him enough to give him the space he needs to do it at his pace.
Is it really that important that he loads the dishwasher just so? Instead of focusing on how much wasted space there is, thank him for being considerate enough to help out.
If you really need to address the situation, this can be a gentle way of bringing it up...
"Honey, you have every right to say/think/feel/do that but I'm uncomfortable. I don't feel good about what's happening here. What do you think about not doing that or doing it this way? And what can I do to help us do it this way so I'm more comfortable?"
For the doodz:
You've probably already learned this. When you're irritated with her, make her right. As long as it's not illegal, immoral, and unethical.
Happy wife, happy life.
If you gotta bring it up, you can say: “You have every right to say/do/feel/think that. But I want us/you to do it this way. How do you feel about respecting my request? What can I do to help us feel better?”
Practice Tools 1-3 in the following week to foster more intimacy in the most important relationship you have.
Fertility challenges can create anxiety and tension which makes it more difficult to communicate but being conscious about how you speak to each other can narrow any bridges.
Know someone dealing with infertility? She probably can use some help with this communication tool as well. Forward this email to her and invite her to opt-in for daily emails at zenfertility.com/top10.
Natural Fertility Eggspurt
For fertility acupuncture appointments in San Diego, call me at (858) 495-0771 or book here: http://juliechang.genbook.com/
The Real Deal:
- Licensed Acupuncturist for 18 years
- Master in Traditional Oriental Medicine, Magna Cum Laude
- B.S. Microbiology & Molecular Genetics, UCLA