I've had enough conversations this week about unsupportive partners that I'm itching to address this issue.
Different circumstances but the emotional consequences are the same.
My hairdresser's husband told her to go to the dealer to get the maintenance on her car done. On her dime. Not a biggie. Except he's a mechanic. And this is what he does for a living every day. Since then, she hasn't given him a haircut. It was also the closest she got to leaving him.
A friend got into a car accident awhile back. Her husband basically said she should have been more careful, making her feel it was her fault, and didn't provide the support she needed when the insurance got complicated and a lawsuit ensued. That event triggered the start of the end for them. They're now getting divorced.
Many patients express the lack of support from their husbands when they're trying to get pregnant, especially in the beginning. Probably because men don't have the same biological urgency women do since they're more focused on building their professional career. This might have caused them to delay trying to get pregnant.
Above all else, women need emotional security from their men. It's our biological drive. That's how we know it's safe to have children. Reassured that our men will be there to support us through thick and thin.
Unfortunately, that support is often missing when it's most needed, leaving the person feeling betrayed.
How does one move past that? Honestly, it's really, really, really hard.
All I can say is if you didn't or don't feel supported while trying to get pregnant by your partner, communication is the most important tool you have to move past it. Express your feelings and needs so your partner is given the opportunity to step up.
Once that's done, forgiveness is important to heal the wounds that might contribute to infertility issues. Recognize and acknowledge how much your partner HAS done for you to maintain perspective of how wonderful he is (hopefully).
Just as coming home to your partner after a day's work should feel like you're "home", your future child needs to feel your body is a home for it to come into and stay for 9 months. Blame and resentment creates cracks in your love, weakening the foundation for optimal health of the spirit and mind which is of utmost importance for optimal fertility.
These emotional wounds are as profound as any physical condition like a blocked fallopian tube, fibroid, or endometriosis. And cause just as much damage, if not more, than the physical counterparts.
Heal the rifts so you can have your best chance at conceiving.
If you find this email helpful and know anyone struggling to get pregnant, please forward this and have her sign up for my daily emails at zenfertility.com/top10.
Natural Fertility Eggspurt
The Real Deal:
- Natural Fertility Coach
- Licensed Fertility Acupuncturist for 18 years
- Doctorate in Acupuncture and Chinese Medicine - 2018
- Master in Traditional Oriental Medicine, Magna Cum Laude
- B.S. Microbiology & Molecular Genetics, UCLA