Finding "the one"

I spent the past 2 weeks talking about you, all serious fertility stuff. 

My brain needs a break.  

So let's talk men, dating, and me. :)

Dating as an (almost) 46yo divorced, single mom, entrepeneur is an interesting experience, to put it mildly.

Most of my close friends are divorced single moms as well so I get to hear the spectrum of dating experiences.  

From the one who found the love of her life on a Tinder weekend dating spree when we were supposed to have a girls' trip to the one who couldn't let go of her psycho (finally!) ex-boyfriend bombarding her with abusive messages calling her names and cussing her out to the one dating a married guy 20 years her junior.  Fun times!  

Mine has been less dramatic.  But sometimes it feels like an emotional epic journey of Herculean proportions.

I can understand why people give up dating.  It's exhausting.  A ton of work.  An ongoing job interview for the perfect candidate.  It's basically a part-time job.  

But what keeps me going is that I see progression in myself.  I get clearer on who I want, what I want, and most importantly WHY I want a life partner.

The quality of each person I date has gotten better with each guy.  So I know I'm choosing men more suited for me. 

That progression keeps me motivated to continue searching in this really confusing world of dating.  To give up would be to release my dream of finding my manicorn.   

I don't expect each new person to be "the one."  That's a setup for disappointment.  Rather, as I learn about him, I either accept him or move on.  Whether I'm the dumper or dumpee, I try to figure out how I can choose or do better the next time.   

It's the same for you as you're trying to get pregnant...

Treat each cycle as another step in your journey. 

You don't know how long you'll be on it so take each cycle as an opportunity to learn and grow.  

What are the top 1-2 things you could have done better and can do for the next month until it becomes a habit?   Go to bed earlier?  Cut down on the sugar/caffeine/smokes?

If you don't, you'll end up seeing it as another failure where you didn't get pregnant.  And eventually you'll give up because you don't see the point. 

My fear for you is that you'll give up too soon. 

Stop focusing on the pregnancy test! 

Instead, work on being better, a little bit at a time - improve your health physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  That's 100% in your control. 

You can influence the pregnancy test with your choices but ultimately the final result is outside your control. 

So let go of your dependence on each month being "the one."

You can't tell if your eggs are improving with your lifestyle changes.  I wish there was a way. 

But if you use more external markers like if your period was better, improved energy levels, better sleep quality, and sharper mental focus, you can easily tell if the changes you're making are working. 

When those symptoms improve, you'll be far more motivated to keep moving forward. 

If you're ready to do what's necessary to improve your fertility naturally, even if you're in your 40s, plug in to my Fertility Top10 here... http://zenfertility.com/top10

All my best,
Julie Chang, L.Ac
Natural Fertility Eggspurt

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