I used to say I want to find a nice guy, thinking that was all-encompassing. But my dating experiences have shown me that "nice" isn't enough. I was equating nice with kind. They will overlap but they aren't the same thing.
Being nice is a way to please people. It's a superficial act often dictated by societal norm. One can be be nice but not kind.
Being kind comes from the heart. Kindness sometimes requires courage because it means being honest, even when it's uncomfortable.
I've had a few instances recently that showed me the difference. The guys I've dated have been nice. They're fun, intelligent, and easy to talk with.
But they haven't been kind in their communication. They've "ghosted" me after saying they'll call or see me again. It's probably cuz it's easier for them to leave without a word since they'll never see me again. But it's not kind to vanish after we've established a relationship. It's cowardly and childish.
I realize this is actually the norm of the dating process as I've experienced it and have upgraded my must-have qualities from "nice" to "kind".
We often consider kindness as a quality that we extend to others but the worst person we treat is often ourselves.
This usually happens when things don't go as we plan. Like getting pregnant.
You blame yourself. Feeling like something is wrong with you or you've done something wrong to deserve this.
Nothing can be farther than the truth. You already know that intellectually. But your heart and soul has to really accept that it's not your fault.
You wouldn't accept this belittling from another person, yet you do this to yourself.
Accept the situation as it is.
Release the emotions.
Instead focus that otherwise negative energy into how you can be a better version of yourself everyday.
If you do this, your journey becomes one of growth and exploration, enriching you in ways you couldn't have imagined.
I teach you how to to do that in my Fertility Top10... http://zenfertility.com/top10
All my best,
Julie Chang, L.Ac
Natural Fertility Eggspurt